I feel lousy sitting around doing nothing. Not only do I feel pain from the costocondritis, but the rest of my body is not enjoying all this lounging around. I feel like I am going to need one very good chiropractic visit and massage at the end of this ordeal. I am uncomfortable being in one position for so long, yet I don't have the energy to get up and do much else. The last time I was this sedentary, I was on bed rest while during my pregnancy with Amber. I want to get up and move around, yet as the doctor put it, I am "the single most important factor to my recovery." If I start trying to push it, I could prolong my recovery. The chest wall is one of the few parts of our body that moves constantly. It's not like they can put a cast on it to immobilize the area.
Being this dependent on Daniel is frustrating, too. He is great- fantastic, even. Daniel will do anything to help me and keep up with the house and kids. I hate that he has to do it, though. I wish my body would work properly. The worst part is that, as far as the doctors are concerned, there is not much wrong with me. Yet, the limitations are huge. One of my friends who had these same symptoms wound up being told, essentially, that this was all in her head. I promise you that's not the case! I feel bad at how long she suffered before finding a doctor to help her. I am afraid this may be the case for me, as well.
Here's the thing: I already have known inflammatory disorders and autoimmune problems. I can't help but wonder if this isn't all connected. The doctor really won't explore the possibility of Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis any further because my blood tests were well within the normal range. They weren't even boarder-line. So, while I know there is something causing all this trouble, there is not much I can do about it. My mom has both Lupus and RA. That's supposed to be all but impossible, but it's true. I KNOW that my family has a strange history of medical problems that don't make sense. Why would I be any different? Why is it that every time I have some other inflammatory problem, my "eczema" flares up?
This is supposed to be a really happy time in my life. I'm walking in my graduation ceremony in two weeks, and we are having a great party at my mom's house. I'm afraid I won't be feeling well for that. I am supposed to be getting ready for job interviews. I hope I will not show the pain I am feeling during those meetings. Finally, I am supposed to be substitute teaching so I can show off the best of my skills. I am not at my best right now, and that just stinks.
In the end, I know that I am simply feeling sorry for myself today. I know that's the name of the game when it comes to pain. I've overcome a lot worse than this. The car accidents I was in were a lot more serious, and at one point I was told I would never work full-time. I proved that to be wrong. I'll eventually prove that this costocondritis will not hold me back, either. It's all in how I think about it. And, I need to stay off the scale. That's what started this whole stinking thinking this morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment