Escape

I usually really love and agree with this quote.  This past few weeks, though, have been eye-opening.  You know, there really are times when we want to escape the situations in our lives.

Things are finally starting to settle down a bit, but the last month has been extremely high-stress.  Between frustration and situations with children, work, bills, a new car (which means a car payment for the first time in five years), and life with a family, it seems I haven't had a moment to calm down.  Every morning I was waking up imagining all the things I had to accomplish that day, and each evening was spent putting out fires until I was just plain exhausted crawling into bed.

That might explain why this weekend I spent more time in bed than I would have imagined I would ever do, outside of being sick.  I actually slept about 10 hours Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, AND I took a nap on Saturday and Sunday during the day.  My body is clearly wiped out.  Thank goodness Monday was Presidents' Day and I got an extra day to relax.  I finally caught up on grading, something that I haven't been able to say in about three weeks.  A teacher's work is never done, but not being caught up on grading was seriously stressing me out.

So, that's what I would like to escape.  I would like to just forget that I really hate my living situation right now, because there is nothing to do but make the best of it.  I would like some of the stress to be relieved, which I believe will happen with both girls being enrolled at my school as of this week.  I would just like to have some time for ME, which seems to be more difficult to capture lately, though my idea of leaving work by 4 PM daily should help.

But, how DO I escape?  My favorite ways are to play on the computer (Facebook, blogging, reading blogs, Pinterest) and reading.  I would love to be able to have some silent time in the day.  I used to get up earlier than everyone else and get that time in, but I have miraculously been sleeping until the alarm clock.  What a Catch-22!  I don't get silent time on the ride to and from work, either, with the girls in the car.  So, I need to find a way to make this happen.  Maybe on the weekends I can start going to the library or the park for an hour or so.  

I'm pretty easy to please.  I don't really want to go very far to escape; just into my own mind for awhile.  I want to focus on things that make ME happy, things that I enjoy.  This school year has definitely been all about adjusting and learning how to be true to me.  This next month or so will just be another one of those times.  How to get three girls out the door by 6 AM, dressed and ready for school.  Packing three lunches and making three breakfast plates.  How to get homework done when the girls haven't been used to homework in the neighborhood school, and how to adjust to new bedtime routines.  

The good news is Spring Break is only three weeks away.  What?!!  Three weeks?  That means it is crunch time for grades and projects to be done at school.  Grrrrr..... that's a whole different story.

Joining in to put my spin on it

School Choice

All I can say about my living situation right now is, thank goodness for school choice.  Arizona has more charter schools than a lot of areas of the country, and I am thankful that I can take advantage of that.  Arizona is also one of the lowest ranking states in education.  I have to wonder if that is why there are so many charter schools.  Parents are just fed up with substandard education and environments that are not safe for their children.

Amber enrolled at my school a few weeks ago.  We've seen some positive changes in her already.  For her, the fact that I have more control is helpful.  She just isn't ready to monitor herself and her interactions with others without a lot of supervision.  Her classroom is now right across the hall from mine, and I am friends with her teacher.  She can't get away with much there.  Nevertheless, the bottom line is that she is no longer being called names like "slut" in her 5th grade classroom.  She doesn't watch kids threaten each other on the way home from school and wind up getting herself in trouble for defending the kid being picked on.

Yep, Amber needs to be saved from her own sense of injustice in the world.  She has to realize she is not Superwoman, out to make all things right.  Sadly, this is a lesson we had to teach her this year, as she was spending way too much time with the principal at our neighborhood school.  Every teacher on campus will tell you that Amber is pleasant and enjoyable to have in class.  She works hard and won a few academic awards in the time she spent at the school.  BUT, when left to her own devices to run the neighborhood, she just can't seem to mind her own business and won't back down from an argument, especially if she is right.

Now, it is true that I have spent the girls' entire lives telling them they are just as bad as the bully if they don't speak up.  I tell my students the same thing.  No more.  I can see why people don't get involved.  In the end, bullying becomes a "he said, she said" game.  Unless there is physical injury to one participant or the other, no one really knows who did or said what.  It is entirely too frustrating, and the schools wind up punishing the person who was trying to do something good, because in the end, they don't know that person was doing good.  My new advice to Amber is to just stay away from people and drama.  It makes me sick, but I'm really trying to lower the stress in our household before I explode.

Andrea, on the other hand, has learned how to blend in to her surroundings in order to stay away from the bullies.  Unfortunately, she started picking up the language, attitude, and habits of those around her.  We started seeing her grades fall, and she was more than just a typically disrespectful teenager.  After talking with her several times about her behavior, Andrea asked to be transferred to my school as well.

I am so excited that Andrea was able to see my school for the positive environment it can be.  I am more thrilled that Andrea was able to see that she was changing, being around the type of people who attend the neighborhood junior high.  It takes a lot of courage and self-reflection to see that influences are not positive.

As of Tuesday, I will have both of my daughters at my school.  One will be right across the hall, and the other will be taking the shuttle bus to another campus.  Both will be riding to and from work with me, giving me more time to spend with them and chat about their days and their lives.  I've missed connecting with them as they each go their separate ways after school and I'm working too much.  I can also provide a bit of tutoring and coaching since my classroom is set up for many different math and reading programs on-line. They can't complain they don't have time!

We can't change our living conditions for the moment, but I sure can have a bit more control over the types of people my daughters hang around with.  We are, after all, a product of the people we spend the most time with.  I want my girls to have good influences.  Is my school perfect?  That would be a for sure NO!  But, it is a step in the right direction, especially when there is no such thing as a perfect learning environment.  I'm looking forward to a lot less stress starting this week.

I Tried, I Really, Really Tried

Bottom line:  I live around a bunch of thugs.

It is no secret that when Daniel and I found out we were moving in September, I was less than thrilled.  I was quite upset, actually.  We were going to move out of the three bedroom, 2 bath, 1300-square foot house we were renting from Daniel's family into our 2 bedroom, one bath, 900-square too townhouse.  I was, however, determined to make the best of it.  I went into this move with a positive attitude.  I tried, I really, really tried.

We were asked to move from the house we were renting because we could not afford to pay full market value for rent.  The original agreement allowed us to pay a price that was comfortable for us and left some room for us to build our financial state.  I understand that family members need to make money, too.  I don't completely fault them for wanting more from us.  Ironically, the house we were renting is still sitting vacant a full four months later.  Apparently there are not too many people in this economy who are willing and able to pay full market price to live in that home.

The house is in a great part of town.  The schools are fantastic academically, and there are six different playgrounds within walking distance.  There is relatively little crime, and it was quiet.  I felt secure.  I felt like I was a productive, respectable part of society.

The townhouse, on the other hand, offers none of what made me feel good about myself.  We are cramped, for one.  Sharing a bathroom with a preteen and a teenage daughter is excruciating!  It seems that girls need a suitcase worth of product in the morning.  I am seriously considering getting them each a caddie that they can store under their bed or something.  My husband and I can't both be in the kitchen without falling over each other, and the girls sharing a bedroom with their differing schedules causes someone to always be upset about something.  Even watching TV in the living room feels like I am trapped in a box.  There is literally nowhere to go in this place to get away from each other.

Size of the townhouse put aside, I had really hoped that this neighborhood wouldn't be as run-down as it looks.  It is in an older part of town and definitely looks it.  Outside of the complex, the buildings need paint, the roads need work, and the bars on the windows should tell you something.  WHY does lower income have to equate to lower standards?

Finally, the people I am surrounded by are just plain disgusting.  I CANNOT understand why it seems that low income has to equate to low class.  I am trying my best to continue to live a life I am proud of, but it seems that everywhere I look a conflicting message is being sent to my daughters.  We may not have a lot right now, but we should still hold our heads high and be proud of the people we are!  I definitely don't see that as the lesson when I look around.

The kids run around the neighborhood doing whatever they want to do.  When we confront the parents, there is always some type of excuse or justification, or just plain denial.  Nope, their precious child couldn't POSSIBLY be doing anything wrong.  They know that because they keep close tabs on their child.  Where is he now?  Well, I don't know.... he's not answering his cell phone.  Forget the photo evidence we have. That had to have been misunderstood.  My children are far from perfect, but they will be held accountable for their actions and will (hopefully) learn from the consequences and make better choices in the future.

I could go on and on about the frustrations of this neighborhood, but all that does is make me even more upset.  The bottom line is that I tried to have a positive attitude.  I really, really tried to say that the area where we live is not so bad.  We are in charge of how we perceive ourselves.  Honestly, though, that is something people say to make themselves feel better when they are in a crappy situation.  For someone who hasn't experienced it, it's easy to say because they don't understand the desperation of just wanting a calm, positive environment, and a desperate feeling this is.

We will not be here forever.  I am determined to make that a fact.  Until the day we can move away from here, I will make the best of it.  Maybe the lesson here is that sometimes you just need a good kick in the pants in order to move forward.  I don't want to be equated with the low-lives that live around me.  That is enough of a kick in the pants for me.

Happy Groundhog Day- 2014

From the movie "Groundhog Day"

So, on Friday, I laughed so hard my students were asking if I was okay.  There were tears streaming down my face, and I was snorting.  Oh, it was embarrassing, and that made me laugh even harder.  What made me crack up, you ask?  It was this picture.

The picture alone wasn't the culprit, though.  In reality I was laughing at my very own "blond" moment.  You see, every Friday we have a school-wide assembly.  Our wonderful principal was on stage and said this weekend we were celebrating "the best holiday ever."  Me, in my ever so confused state, leaned over to the teacher next to me and said, "Groundhog Day?"  I honestly couldn't figure out why our principal was so excited about seeing Phil come out and see or not see his shadow.

At that moment, our principal said, "It's SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!" and the entire school cheered.  Opps, boy am I out of touch with reality sometimes.  I knew Super Bowl was coming up, and I have even pinned some Super Bowl activities to possibly use in my classroom as early finishers or bell work.  I guess that window of opportunity has closed.  I think I turned about 50 shades of red as the teacher sitting next to me patted me on the arm and said, "That's okay, I love Groundhog Day, too."

When I got back to my classroom and went to take attendance, I had an email that had popped up on my screen.  I opened it, and it said, "The best holiday EVER.... have a great Groundhog Day!"  The above picture was attached.  That started the laugh attack.  I think it may be my favorite story from this school year so far.  It was a great way to start a Friday.  And, yes.... just in case you were wondering, I DO know who is playing in the Super Bowl today.