It seems that everywhere I turn lately I hear the word "crazy" in conjunction with mental health disorders. I'm here to tell you that "crazy" has nothing to do with it. When are we, in this supposed greatest country in the world, going to find some compassion for the people sitting next to us?
Just a few weeks ago Daniel was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and we have been reading and educating ourselves as much as possible. Some may know the disorder as manic-depressive. The type Daniel has (Type II) does not have psychotic episodes (hallucinations, grandiose delusions, etc.) so it is possible he could have continued to live for years or even his lifetime without being diagnosed.
To be honest, throughout our marriage I simply thought Daniel was a huge jerk from time to time. He would slide out of being his typical generous, loving self and into a shell where no one could get through to him. Bipolar can be very selfish in many ways, and this is one area Daniel and I are struggling to work on now. There were some major hurts that occurred during those time periods, but we are dealing with them with the help of the professionals Daniel found and trusted enough to open up and receive help for his condition.
To hear any mental illness referred to as "crazy" now is like having an ice pick stabbed through my heart. My husband is not crazy and never has been. He is one of the most incredible people I have met, though he does have periods of time where he is not as social, understanding, or encouraging as he normally is. These periods are rough, but that does not mean he doesn't comprehend what is happening around him. He simply isn't able to react the same way most people would expect.
Now that I can see there was a biological reason for some of Daniel's previous behavior it breaks my heart. I can see signs of the struggle he had to stay "with" me and not disappear into his own word of pain. I feel terrible for some of the things I said and accusations I made. These struggles were no different than my own inner battles, though. They don't make Daniel any different than the rest of us, and I hate the implication that people who need mental health care are different than the rest of us. We all need to learn to take care of ourselves.
10 comments:
yet another word to add to the list that people use so carelessly. :(
I know all about the stigma. I deal with it all the time. I can't get the medication I should be on because my insurance won't cover it. It's up to those of us who can fight for ourselves and our loved ones to help erase this stigma.
I agree Kathy. I am on a quest, it seems, to help erase this stigma. I will keep fighting the fight!
It's sad when people throw words around carelessly and don't realize that they are hurting others. Hope that things will work themselves out for you.
Thanks Susi. Things will definitely work out in the end, but it will be a long, hard road. We've actually battled for the last 12 years, this next phase should be exciting. Instead it is actually terrifying, but it WILL work out!
I battled depression terrible even trying to take my own life. It was horrible. I understand the wanting to just go into your own world. It is a battle. I am fortunate enough that my husband has great insurance and they covered therapy and doctors. I found the right mix and fight some anxiety, but the depression seems pretty under control. A supportive family is so important for the battle. Yet you as the family need to take care of yourself too and not blame yourself. Depression and anxiety are bitches and they rob happy times and it's just so hard for everyone involved.
It IS hard for everyone involved Renegades. I'm trying to remember to take care of myself, too, but I'm not being too successful with that. Fortunately my husband's doctors want to treat us as a couple at the same time as getting him stable. I think that has helped, knowing I am not out here all alone.
Words can be so incredibly powerful - yours have made me stop and think tonight
Hugs
Sadly, most of us don't think about this unless someone we know and love is diagnosed. Mental illness is ILLNESS. It's not something people have control over, just like physical illness. I wish more people would understand and accept this.
That's a good point MA. I think, in the end, it all comes down to us accepting each other for who and what we are. My husband made a point, long before he was diagnosed, that we each have SOMETHING we battle, whether other people know it or not.
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