Just a couple of weeks ago my husband was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and adult ADD. He's probably struggled with both since childhood and most definitely since adolescence. For the past 13 years I have lived this right along with him but not known what the cause was. To be honest I thought he was just an ass at times. He was difficult to get along with and could at times make life seem unbearable. To him, I now know, life WAS unbearable.
I have not been on my best game lately, that is for sure. I feel unfocused, frustrated, and like curling up in a ball until this all goes away. Just getting to work on a daily basis has been difficult at best. The thing is, this WON'T all just magically disappear. We will be working at this for a long time, up to a year to achieve full stabilization according to the psychiatrist. Life WILL get better for us, and we are seeing improvement already, but most of this is thanks to my husband's unending determination and desire to become "well."
I'm exhausted, I'm scared to death knowing we are going to have to face some of the events from the past caused by this disorder, and I'm lonely. BUT, I am also hopeful, excited for the future, and so proud. I am proud of a man who has never stopped loving me and our girls, who has always tried his best to keep life together for us, and for working so hard at his treatment already.
Please know that if I am frustrated, more quiet than usual, or just not "up," I am going through a lot. I have my own roller coaster to ride. I've been riding right along with him for some time trying to keep the peace and keep life as stress-free as possible. For some reason the diagnosis didn't take any of this away but has put a magnifying glass on all of these feelings. We're working on it all, though. Fortunately his doctors have chosen to take a couples approach to his treatment, so I have not been overlooked. We will come out of this as better people, and I know this has already made me a more compassionate person with both my friends and my students. I hope you all will stick by as we start this new journey in life.
My husband has given his permission for me to share this information about him and has actually encouraged me to do so. He knows this is not just about him but about all of us as a family and that writing is my way of making sense of life. I appreciate his honesty and his understanding.