I Gave Up

The past couple weeks at school have been the most intense, frustrating weeks of the entire school year. First AIMS prep took up a lot of time and threw off our routine, then, of course, the AIMS testing itself was a HUGE week of craziness.  On Saturday of last week we had the school carnival, and I honestly thought that coming in on Monday would be a relief- back to business.  Oh, how that dream did NOT come true! My students were still very "off," and behavior was out of control.

Last night, there was a Crock-Pot Cook Off and community movie night at school, and I was supposed to stay for that.  I made a chili for the cook off, and had prepared to stay to watch "Frozen."  About 20 minutes before the event started, though, I just felt incredibly overwhelmed and really couldn't face the idea of putting on my happy teacher face for students who I quite honestly resented right at the moment. I hate to admit to having real feelings about my class, but hey, teachers are human, too.

Thank goodness my newest teammate is truly a team player.  She was also going to be staying for the event, so she offered to pick up my Crock Pot, take it home to wash it, and bring it back to me on Monday.  I literally cried at her kind offer.  The two of us took my dish over to the judging table, I explained to my administrators that I wasn't feeling well, and I went home.

The feeling of being overwhelmed crushed me last night, and I broke.  My vice principal did recognize this, and we talked in her office for a few minutes before I left.  The talk did a bit to help, and she took some responsibilities off my shoulders by distributing them more to my team.  I am thankful for that.  Somehow I just keep piling on more and more, and I can see the literal interpretation of the "straw that broke the camel's back."  It really is just one tiny addition that makes the load too heavy to carry.

I am so thankful this is a long weekend for us, and I have today to decompress.  I talked to my class at the end of the day yesterday, and we identified some reasons they think they are misbehaving and acting extremely uncharacteristically compared to what I have come to expect from them.  I asked students to reflect on how to get back into routine and to come to school with the motivation to finish the year strong.  I will be taking time to do the same myself.