I Can't Count On Much At All

So with everything going on right now the one thing I could use more than anything in the world is something to count on.  Unfortunately it seems that EVERYTHING is up in the air ALL the time.  I really count on people to do what they say they are going to do when they said they are going to do it.  Fortunately Daniel is working extremely hard on this and being successful a majority of the time.  My parents have been incredible, too.  Work, however.... that's a whole different story.

Last week I was supposed to be observed for my formal evaluation.  Previously I had scheduled an exam for two out of the four classes I was teaching on the day I was told my observation would take place.  We are supposed to actually teach during the observations, so I worked all weekend to rearrange my lesson plans so the tests would be given on a different day.  Here comes observation day, and with each start of class I am more and more nervous waiting for administration to arrive.  Last hour comes and goes... no observation.  Grrrr!  Seriously, I was stressed out for absolutely nothing.  I asked if they forgot about me, and the answer was that an emergency came up.  I would possibly be observed this week.  Again, no one came.  We'll see what happens next week.

We were also supposed to have a fire drill last week.  That is another stressful event as kids get goofy, the noise is incredible, and class time is disrupted.  Every day I waited for the alarm to sound, mentally calculating how to make up the lost time in each class.  No fire drill.  None this week either.

To top it all off we were told we have certain students that we have to do "everything in our power" to help pass because of their failing grades.  Seriously?  Do you really think I haven't been doing that all school year?  At what point do the students have to step up to the plate and work for that themselves?  My class is really not hard to pass.  My lesson plans for next week involve teaching for 15 minutes of each period, then students working on missing assignments or extra credit work.  Hey, at least it was easier to plan this week!

Finally, we were told our contracts for next year would arrive by the end of April.  It is now May, and no contract discussions have begun.  At least I know it's not just me on this one.  No one has had their rehire interviews or contract negotiations.  Our principal said that he wants to wait until the actual paperwork is in his hand from district so we can just take care of everything all at once.  I'm confident I will be offered a job, but the waiting is just frustrating.  And, I really do need to know if I need to be looking for another job.  This is the time to be doing that if I need to.

I really like my school, and I love the principal.  I really do.  But, right now I just can't handle not knowing what is happening in life.  Work should be a place of relative stability.  It used to be fun.  To be honest, I've been dreading going in each day.  Yes, part of that is that my mind is focused on Daniel and what we need to do to get him stable and happy.  But another part of my unhappiness is the pressure I feel to do what is expected of me when it feels like I can't receive the same in return.