I have gone back and forth about closing this blog and letting it be deleted from Blogger over and over again. I have decided, however, to keep it open. There are too many posts about my health on here that are too valuable to lose. I also realized that I don't have a record of my short stories anywhere but here. The health records are sure to be the most important, though.
Well, what am I done with, then? I am done with doctors. I am done with them controlling the playing field. I am done with them not giving me all the information I need to be an important part of my health care team. I see my health care the same way I see my classroom. It's not one person in control. It is a partnership between the doctors, myself, and my husband who helps me stay focused and make decisions. My classroom is the same way. I am not the sole decision maker. Students and their parents have an active role in their education. As a patient in the health care system I should be extended the same courtesy.
Right before returning from Winter Break, I started having some very familiar symptoms. I have a nervous feeling, even when I am not in a situation that calls for discomfort. I am having a hard time recalling specific words I want to use at times, and I just feel a general confusion or frustration with thinking. (That part REALLY bothers me.) My muscles are tightening, and the headaches have returned. (By the time I saw the doctor I had had one headache continuously for four days. It still doesn't come close to the 37 days from two years ago, but it was annoying anyway.) And, the goofy rash is back.
This doctor at least cared that I was uncomfortable. He ordered a biopsy on my rash to see what was happening. It didn't really show anything other than inflammation and dry skin. The blood tests he ordered were normal, too. He did prescribe a migraine medication that broke the headache. For that, I am grateful.
Here's the part that just really made me angry: I saw a different doctor in the same practice on Wednesday. She prescribed a medication for the rash to stop the itching. I didn't even think to read the insert, because usually those things just scare me and I don't feel good about taking the medication. She had told me there was a sedative affect with the medication, so I should only take it at night, and I did sleep differently.
Thursday morning my heart was beating out of my chest, and I felt like I had run a 5k after walking from my car to my classroom. I thought this was from whatever this medical issue is. Saturday morning, though, I finally figured out that this was a reaction to the medication I was taking. I was seriously bitchy, and I couldn't stop the feeling of wanting to fight. I was swelling so badly that I felt like a sausage about to break open on a grill. My fingers were huge, and my forearms looked like over stuffed burritos. After I yelled at some lady who almost ran us off the road while we were driving, I figured out that I was not acting or feeling like myself. I told Daniel to stop at home so I could read the insert that came with my medication.
Sure enough, the side effects for one of the medications causes rage, irritability, and "unusual behavior." It turns out, the medication was an ANTIDEPRESSANT. You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me. IF the doctor had told me the medication was in that family, I could have told her I wasn't interested. I could have told her that we have tried three other medications in the antidepressant family in the hopes to control pain, and THEY DON'T WORK! In fact, every one I have taken has caused the same symptoms. I guarantee that if I had taken another dose, I would have wound up in the emergency room. This is insane!
I'm tired of feeling worse than I did before I went to the doctor. I'm tired of trying to get the doctors to listen to me and hear the real cause of my concern. I am tired of constantly researching, trying to find a direction to go in because I'm not being heard, only to be told I'm looking in the wrong places and the doctors know what they are doing. I'm tired of being told this is a reaction to stress and there is nothing else wrong with me.
This is the first in a new series. I am going to continue this quest until I find answers, though I was ready to give up completely and just live with this condition a couple days ago when I started writing this post. I do have a faint spark of hope left. Maybe that can be turned into a fire that will motivate me to keep pushing on.
