Book Review: Conscious Calm

Ironically, today's post is a perfect example of exactly why this book was written.  For the past couple of months I've written most of my posts in advance and had them set to auto-post when I was ready for them to be presented.  I had every intention of doing the same with this one, as well.

Every circumstance seemed to conspire against me, however, and I just didn't get this written on time to schedule this post for as early as I had hoped.  Life at work has turned upside down (more about that in a later post), life at home has been a little more hectic than usual, and personal frustrations have gotten in the way of blogging.

"Conscious Calm" by Dr. Laura Maciuika was written for exactly this purpose.  It addresses stress and worry and gives tips on how to handle those issues.  The most important bit I took away from this book is that I am in control of how I handle life's curve balls.  I can choose to continue allowing my emotions to take charge, or I can consciously make an effort to change the inner self-talk.

Of course I've known this since I was a child; I was raised this way.  This book brings a different perspective to what I already knew and is filled with excellent reminders.  It is also filled with tip after tip on how to make stress relief a daily part of life and to continuously remain calm.  "Conscious Calm" addresses those little devils that sit on all of our shoulders tempting us to stay in an elevated frustration mode, discusses clear boundaries, and helps to make the reader realize he or she is definitely not alone!

There was one negative point to this book.  In my opinion the vocabulary used was just a little too much on the technical side.  The book did not feel like it was written for a lay-person or a casual reader.  I think many might be lost in the near text-book feel of this book.  Readers, push through this!  The keys to a more calm and satisfying life are worth unwrapping.

Guest Post: Dr. Laura Maciuika

Please join me in welcoming Dr. Laura Maciuika to "Life with Karen."  She is the author of "Conscious Calm" and is bringing us information today on how to live a calmer life when both parents work.  Watch for my review of her book "Conscious Calm" tomorrow!

Quick Stress Relief Tips for Working Parents

When both parents are working in a family, it can feel like moving from one stressful thing to another. Even the activities that are supposed to be fun can get stressful – “Who’s driving the kids to the party this afternoon?” or even “Hurry up, we’re late for the movie!”

It can be non-stop, waiting for a vacation before really slowing down. Stress relief should not require a vacation, or catching a cold or flu before getting much needed rest. But it doesn’t need to be yet another time consuming project on either. Here are three tips for busy parents on the run, juggling kids and work and the rest of life:

1) Give yourself reminders to come back to present time. One of the most stressful things we do is divide our energy between the future and the past mentally. Our bodies are wired to live in present time. Ever seen a dog or cat get stressed about the past or future? They are comfortably in the present. That’s part of their charm. We too are warm-blooded animals, theoretically with more sense than your average dog or cat. So check your thoughts, and when you notice you’re back in the past or “what iffing” about the future, bring your attention back to present time to stay calmer and more energized.

2) Take what I call a Being Break. Many of us have become scary specimens of Human Doings instead of Human Beings. Short Being Breaks are useful, because they disrupt the pattern of stress in the body and the mind. A few times each day, allow yourself to take a moment and stop all Doing, both externally and internally. Close your eyes for a moment (unless you’re driving of course!) and feel your body from your feet up to your head. This can also allow you to notice where you might be holding tension – then let yourself stretch or walk around for a bit. Practicing Being Breaks even during the work day will allow you to return to your tasks a bit more refreshed, and stress won’t build up as easily.

3) Use your breath. Taking just 8 –10 slower, deeper breaths activates the Vagus nerve in the body. That central nerve is in charge of the body’s relaxation response. Ten breaths give the Vagus nerve the chance to give your entire body and brain the message that there’s no need for the “fight or flight” response. Stop several times each day and just do this breathing to break up stress cycles. Some people program a phone or computer once an hour to give themselves these stress relieving, relaxing pauses in their day.

Use these tips, and teach your children how about them too – many kids’ lives are as stressful as their parents’ these days. You’ll be giving your entire family the gift of getting more control over stress, and feeling more relaxed, calm, and present with themselves and each other.

Dr. Laura Maciuika is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, teacher, and transformation mentor.  She specializes in helping people transform their lives from feeling stressed and stuck to experiencing new levels of calm, joy and success. Dr. Maciuika is the author of the book Conscious Calm: Keys to Freedom from Stress and Worry. She has over 20 years’ experience working with adults individually and in groups, and in settings including community mental health, companies, universities, workshops and seminars. Connect with Laura on her blog at http://consciouscalm.com or on Twitter @lauramaciuika, or download the first chapter and Table of Contents of her book at www.facebook.com/consciouscalm

Labels

In what way were you labeled as a child and how did it affect you? 





Labels, no matter if they are good or bad, can affect a child's self-image.  This could potentially be something the follows a child for life and can be a burden.  I see that in my students.  There are times they just want to be themselves, but their parents have different expectations.  Do they choose to please their inner being, or do they continue to perform for their parents?

For the most part I see my students not being true to themselves.  They want to get good grades for their parents, or they hang around a certain group of peers simply because that is the expectation placed on them.  This has led to a group of children who don't have a genuine interest in learning but want their teachers to shovel information at them in the quickest and most convenient method possible.  The friendships are not close emotional bonds.

While this isn't going to have a huge impact on my 10 and 11-year-old students, I DO think it will affect them later in life.  Elementary school is the place to take risks.  Meet people and mingle.  Miss an assignment here or there and notice the consequences.  Have arguments with people who disagree with your point of view and talk it out.  Unfortunately none of this is happening in my group of students.  They are like little clones of each other.  There is very little original thinking, but the need to live up to certain labels is seemingly more important.  I am trying to demonstrate to children and their parents that part of being a good student in my classroom is to expand their thinking.  It's not all about getting an A+ on a paper; it's more about discovering information that sparks an interest in more learning.

Not taking those risks now, not discovering those topics that spark creativity and interest will lead to a young adult who will take risks as a rebel.  The student may decide school is not for him.  She may realize that she never met people who she connected with and hang out with a crowd who will lead her down the wrong path, simply because she had never met someone with views different than hers.  Boys and girls shouldn't have to carry their labels as baggage.  They should be free to invent themselves with as little outside influence as possible from parents, teachers, and other adults.

To answer the original question:  I was labeled as "smart," and I am.  I do have to say, though, that when I do something stupid or make a dumb mistake I beat myself up over it.  I don't want to let anyone down.  If I can't solve a problem immediately I get frustrated.  Yes, labels follow us.  I don't think anyone meant to hurt me with such a wonderful label, but at some point we need to realize that we can never live up to an expectation of perfection within that label.  I wonder if I can change my label to "mostly smart."

3 in 30: March Week 3

Well, last week was so busy I didn't even remember to post an update about my goals.  This week I almost forgot, too.  I was taking full advantage of Spring Break to rest, have fun, and run around with my husband and kids.  I got my grading and lesson planning done, but I didn't get ahead like I had anticipated.  That's okay, though.  I deserved a break!

I did do well on ALL of my goals:

Goal #1:  Tax paperwork
We did it!  Not only did I get the paperwork together, but we saw the accountant.  For the past couple of years we've been rolling our return over to cover my husband's estimated taxes for the next year.  That really paid off.  This year the accountant recommended we take some of that out to use for ourselves.  We took his advice, and now I will not have to worry about getting a summer job!  Our tax return will cover what I would have made.  I am SUPER excited about that.  I honestly didn't want to do all the legwork necessary to get a job for a total of 10 weeks.  Now I can truly enjoy the summer after my first year of teaching!

Goal #2:  Relax after work
This goal was to relax at least a couple of days after work.  I did it!  Knowing that Spring Break was coming up I wasn't in too much of a hurry to get anything done.  On a couple days each of the past two weeks I came in, put my laptop bag in the office, and hung out with my family.  We got a couple of walks in, and my husband and I spent some time watching TV, chatting, and reading before we went to bed ourselves.  We've been reading the same series of books, so it's been fun to read side-by-side.  I REALLY need to make this experience a habit!

Goal #3:  Finish a print book
Hmmm... funny how taking time to relax led to getting a book finished!  LOL  I read "Lone Wolf" by Jodi Picoult.  The only thing that makes me sad about that is I now have to wait until June 26th for the next book by my favorite author to be released.  Remember the series I said my husband and I were both reading?  That's the "Shadow Children" series by Margaret Peterson Haddix.  It's a YA series, but came highly recommended after Daniel fell in love with "The Hunger Games."  He devoured this series, so now we need to find something new for him.  I'm still on the first book; he's finishing the seventh tonight.  Any suggestions?

Ballet Stretch and Tone

I did it!  I took an exercise class yesterday.  It has been a LONG time since I've been able to do that.  A year, in fact.  On the last official day of Spring Break I took the plunge and gave it a try.

A friend of mine invited me to Ballet Stretch and Tone.  It is exactly what it sounds like.  Using the ballet barre we stretched, did some more stretches, warmed up our legs with some absolutely killer positions and exercises, then moved to the floor for some more stretching and abdominal work.  It felt great to be able to participate with a group.  Because it was mostly stretching I was able to keep up pretty well.  I left shaking like a leaf from using parts of my body I had forgotten existed, but I am sure the grin on my face went from ear to ear.

This morning I woke up VERY sore.  Let me tell you.... there is a HUGE difference between sore and pain!  I was so worried the soreness was going to frustrate me and be too much of a reminder of the last year.  Not at all... in fact, the soreness made me feel alive.  I can't describe the feeling.  Just knowing I was able to work out, really work out to the point my body was sore, was amazing!

Throughout the exercise class, since it was done in bare feet, I kept watching for signs of swelling in order to know I should take a break.  I experienced none, and so far today I haven't seen any, either.  My body apparently agreed with stretching and toning!

Next week I'll be heading back to that same gym for a similar class but this time for the arms.  I have NO idea what that's going to be like, but I'm looking forward to new experiences again.  The classes are a little on the expensive side ($15 each), but at this point I'm willing to pay for it when I can go.  To be participating in activities I love is worth a lot more than that!

Ode to the Middle School Teacher - Charting My Own Course - Education Week Teacher

Ode to the Middle School Teacher - Charting My Own Course - Education Week Teacher

Any middle school teachers out there?  You've GOT to read this!

Remembering What You Read: Print vs. Digital Books - Teaching Now - Education Week Teacher

Remembering What You Read: Print vs. Digital Books - Teaching Now - Education Week Teacher

I found this to be a REALLY interesting article that I wanted to share with all of you.  For my readers who are teachers, especially, what do you think of this?  My opinion is that we really need to investigate this before going forward with the big push toward digital textbooks.

A Year Ago Today- March 15

I am having such fun looking back to where I was a year ago at this time!  A year ago today I posted about my favorite singer Collin Raye.  The blog post was a lot of fun and shared a lot of wonderful memories from my younger days.

Today I want to share my love of Collin Raye's music with a favorite song of mine "What If Jesus Comes Back Like That?"  As many of you know, I no longer consider myself Christian.  If there WAS a Jesus, though, I think he WOULD come back in one of the ways described in this song.  The point is, we never do know.  We never know what's behind each person.  We all have a story worth telling.

A Year Ago Today- March 14

Looking back on the last year I realize that I was actually getting sick long before we realized it.  First I was home sick from what we thought was severe allergies, then I had a bad reaction to the allergy medicine the doctor prescribed to me.  My experience with Singulair just wasn't a good one.

The question I keep coming back to is:  Did I get sick due to something I did?  Did the Singulair cause what they thought was shingles?  Did I bring on the disease with the tons and tons of medication I was taking?

I know... all really stupid thinking that leads nowhere.  I guess I'm still just searching for answers, though.  Maybe if we knew what caused all this we could find a solution to getting me the rest of the way to well.

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A Year Ago Day- March 13

A year ago today I was prompted to write about something I hate.  I wrote about lazy teachers.  Oh, it's so funny how idealistic we can be when facing something new.

While I still can't stand lazy teachers, I CAN say I almost understand why the teacher in this cartoon would have done what she did.  There are times when the paperwork and the minor details become overwhelming.  Student achievement almost seems to take a back seat.  That is a scary thought, but there are only so many minutes in a day.

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I get to work anywhere from an hour to three hours early on a daily basis.  I work at least six hours every weekend grading papers and putting together lesson plans.  I would definitely NOT consider myself lazy, yet I know I could be doing more for my students.  THAT is the part that is hard to swallow.  No matter what we do as teachers it is sometimes not enough for that one student who just isn't "getting it" or that student who needs more to be challenged.  

So, we do what we can.  Sometimes that means grading papers while the students are working in centers.  I used to consider that lazy.  Now I just call it good time management.

A Year Ago Today: March 12

I've been preparing to bring you a post titled "A Year Ago Today" to recap my struggle with shingles, nerve damage, and share how far I've come.  I realize, each time I start to write, that although I desperately need to look at those days, I really don't want to.  I need to, though, because I need to prove to myself that life DID get better.  I am not stuck in a rut, though I still cry on pretty much a daily basis because of the things I can't do.  Above all, though, I need to look at those posts to show myself that I am as strong as people give me credit for.

Since that initial post, and the ones that follow it, are going to be hard, I decided to bring you some fun ones looking back as well.  I've come to realize that in many ways I am grieving, and that is okay.  It is perfectly normal to be sad when a goal is out of reach- at least for the moment.  I'll get where I want to be again one day.  It's just going to take  A LOT longer to get there than I had hoped.

A year ago today I posted Day 10 in a 30 Day Photo Challenge:  The person I do the most things with.  This is one of my favorite posts because it shows a time I was so positive and excited about life.  I was looking forward to all the new experiences that would be coming my way.  Fortunately I've been able to take part in many of the events I thought for awhile I would miss out on.  For that I should be, and am, grateful.

Spring Break

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Time

It seems like it was just a couple weeks ago I was telling you how much I was going to miss you as I returned from work after winter break.  In reality it's been a whole school year quarter.  Wow, where has time gone?

Time has become measured in school-year increments.  Four weeks between grading periods, nine weeks in a quarter, five months in a semester.  Yet each of those time periods becomes meaningless as I prepare each week for the upcoming lessons and plan how to best bring my students enjoyable activities that will help them get the most out of learning.

This quarter has had some extremely frustrating moments.  I would venture to say it was the most challenging of the year.  To be honest I don't anticipate fourth quarter to be anywhere near as chaotic as quarter three was.  I hope to make some changes that will make life easier for me in the classroom, and I'm counting on my fellow teachers being right that Spring Fever caused some really painful moments with low student performance.

Changes

I'm not sure if I mentioned here that we got a new principal in January.  At first I was absolutely terrified.  I went through a principal change last year when I was at a school I absolutely adored.  The school changed so dramatically.  I never realized how powerful that leadership role really is.  When I got the news through an email on Tuesday night that we would be greeted by a new boss on Wednesday, I was stricken with fear.  I was literally sick to my stomach heading to work that morning.

Well, after some adjustment it turns out I could not have been placed in a better situation.  A teacher friend who had worked with this man previously told me to give him a chance.  I'm glad I listened to her advice and kept an open mind.  I love the first principal, don't get me wrong.  THIS one, though, is like finding home after staying in wonderful hotels.  You know what I'm talking about.  At the hotel you are spoiled and happy, but at home life is safe, solid, and although a bit uncomfortable at times it just feels right.  Yep, my school is definitely my second home.

Future

Intent letters were passed out last week on Thursday.  Each year schools pass these out asking teachers to fill out information on their intentions for the following school year.  Do we intend to stay with the school?  Would we like to make any changes in our position?  Employment offers are made after the people in charge have had time to review these letters.

I had mine filled out within about five minutes of getting it out of my mailbox.  YES, I want to come back.  I NEED full-time work next year, though.  Assuming a full-time teaching offer is made I know where I'll be next year.  I can't wait to see what's going to be suggested for me.  One thing I do know is that having a contract for next year would sure make me happy.  Like I said, as much as I can complain about my school at times, it really is like being home.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

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T is for Teacher

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On August 1 of this year I walked into my very first class that was mine... all mine.  That day was terrifying and wonderful all at the same time.  I had 70 students in four classes, all as willing and eager to learn as I was to teach them.  Ha, that bubble burst quickly!  Truth be told I had 70 students, all of whom were just about as nervous as I was.  Starting middle school is a big step in life.  Teaching middle school is just as big.

For the three years prior to this experience I worked every day towards this dream, going to classes at night and working on homework during the day when my husband was at work and the girls in school.  It was tough, but it was so worth it!  There are days I ask myself why I didn't just keep being a stay-at-home mom. Then I plan a creative and fun lesson or have a classroom discussion that amazes me and I remember what I've done why I've done all of this.

I love watching my students grow and seeing those "ah-ha!" moments.  Last week I read Dr. Seuss' "The Lorax" to my 6th graders, and we discussed the theme.  Watching the children make connections between the book and real life was such a thrill.  As I was reading there were some boys who looked like they were about to cry.  "That's wrong!" they finally shouted out, not being able to hold it in any longer.  THOSE are the moments I teach for.

S is for Short Stories

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One of my favorite hobbies is creative writing.  Interestingly, though, writing is not something I can force myself to do. It is really something that has to be inspired.  I've noticed that it's also something that doesn't happen for me when life is hectic.  My best creative writing comes in the moments where life is quiet and almost boring.  

When I was sick enough that every day was spent on the couch I did a lot of writing.  Short stories are fun, and I tend to write all in one sitting.  In those moments the story just rushes out.  You can find some of my favorites by clicking here.  Enjoy!

3 in 30- Week 1 March

Well, it's a whole new month already.  I don't know how that happened, but it's time to make some new goals. The last month has been extremely frustrating.  I haven't felt well, my body is not reacting well to the weather, and I have been irritated at work and home.  I hope this month will find some relaxation with Spring Break here and in the downward slide of the school year once we return.

Here are my goals for March:

1.  I WILL be getting our tax paperwork together this month.  I really don't have a choice in the matter at this point.  We're getting pretty close to the deadline.

2.  This month I want to relax after work at least two days a week.  This means that I will not grade papers, work on lesson plans, or check work email.  I will actively try not to worry about what happened during the day or what is to come the next day.  Two days a week I will devote to ME and MY family.

3.  In March I would like to finish reading at least one print book.  I finished an audio book last month, but I wasn't able to get in enough reading time to finish an actual book.  I need to take more time for the activities I enjoy.  I am in the middle of a book I reviewed called "Defending Jacob."  I would really like to finish that one.

So, there it is.  This is the month of taking care of myself, I guess.  I need that.  What do you have planned?

I Wish I Could...

figure out how to balance life.

It seems no matter how hard I try I can't get life to feel balanced.  Either I'm working too much or I'm not getting enough done.  I never feel that I am satisfied.  Too often I text Daniel to tell him I feel like I am drowning.  I'm just not getting ahead of the game.

Taking on a part-time teaching job sounded like the easiest thing in the world at the time.  I would be doing a job I loved, and I would have plenty of time to work on grading, lesson plans, and parent meetings.  Boy did I learn I was wrong!  I see the same number of students as the other teachers in my building.  I teach the same number of classes.  The difference is that I only see some of my kids four days a week rather than five.  So... there's just as much work to be done.  I just have to figure out how to get it done in a shorter time period.

I'm not complaining.  I know it sounds like I do often, but the truth is I am exhausted.  I didn't realize how sick I still am.  I'm getting better, but I still have bad days and bad weeks.  That really takes a toll on me physically and is a big blow emotionally when I want to be doing something other than lying in bed.  It is in those moments that I feel I am giving the best of me to my students.  My family is getting the raw end of the deal.  That part makes me feel miserable.

I've been told time and time again that as a first year teacher I am right on track with most others.  The first year is the most difficult, with the most hours put in and the most frustration.  I believe that.  I can honestly picture next year being much more calm.  I can reuse old lesson plans, I will have figured out methods that work better for me, and I will be more confident in my decisions, making conferences with parents much less stressful.

For now, though, it seems like I am working too often when I am home.  It seems like my mind is more often on my classroom children than the two I gave birth to.  It seems like whatever I do is never enough.  I'm frustrated.  I am drowning in work too often.  I also went into this job knowing that it wasn't going to be easy.  In many ways I don't feel I have a right to complain.

So here's to another weekend of grading, planning, and prepping.  I WILL be getting a walk in and some time to feed the ducks.  One of these days I'll find the balance I'm looking for.

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

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Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

Because of this man's incredible work I get to let my hair down at work today and celebrate children's stories I loved as a girl.  Can you believe my students haven't heard "The Lorax?"  They all want to see the movie opening today, but they have no idea what the story is about.  Just my luck that 6th grade Social Studies standards include an element that students need to know how and why humans impact the world around them.  Today I am wearing my Cat in the Hat hat, reading, and drawing with my 6th graders.  What a day!