The word that best describes my last month is "scared." Many times, terrified might even be better. This month has been filled with one bad event after another. The good news is that my husband and I DO make a great team, even when the adversity involves ourselves and our mental and physical health. Somehow we always find a way to make it through even the worst of times.
The first really scary event was Daniel not actually being stable with his bi-polar episodes. A week or so was really touch and go with him talking to the psychiatrist on a daily basis. It seems something new and worse than the day before was occurring, and every minute was painful for me. I wanted so badly to just be able to make things better. Fortunately the doctor seems to have found the right combination of drugs, and Daniel is doing well again. Unfortunately, however, the drugs will cost us $900 a month unless we can get financial assistance or I find a job with insurance coverage.
The brings up the next issue. I found out on Monday that I not only don't have a full time job lined up for next year- I don't have a job PERIOD. You can read the post here that explains it all. Yep, the job I was counting on to get us where we need to be has been pulled out from under me. I cannot explain how upset I am about the level of effort I put into this job only to find out I wasn't nearly as valued as I believe I should have been.
Finally, this past month has been incredibly difficult with my own mental state. It turns out my thyroid levels were REALLY whacked! I had actually gone to the doctor to be treated for the depression I had been experiencing and, more importantly, the anxiety attacks that were coming more and more often. While I was there I decided that I would get my thyroid levels checked, even though it was almost two months earlier than my annual blood draw would be due. I think we were all shocked when the results came back. The doctor jumped my medication up two doses. Long story made short.... I don't actually have depression or anxiety disorders. My thyroid just needs some time to get adjusted.
I'm hoping next month my word will be "relieved." We'll see what happens. Daniel is doing absolutely FANTASTIC on his new course of medication and things are starting to look better for me on the medication front as well. What we really need to get taken care of is the job situation. Keep your fingers crossed!