I recently came across an article that told about how Mexico now has marriage contracts that last just two years. Their reasoning is that more than half of new marriages are ending in divorce, most before they even get to two years. Although my opinion will probably be extremely unpopular, I don't necessarily think these contracts are a bad idea. Let me explain.
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Throughout those first months I found out some very interesting things about this man I had married. I found out more about his background, his interests, and his future plans. Interestingly, this sounded much different than the fairy tale he had sold me on. I came from a family who didn't divorce, though, so I hung on as long as I could. I finally couldn't take it any longer and asked for a divorce. He granted me one happily, not even bothering to show up in front of the judge for the final divorce proceedings. He was already off living his new life.
The point I'm trying to make is that people don't take marriage seriously anymore. My ex-husband wanted to be married, but he didn't want the same things I did. Why, then, didn't we just break off our relationship so he could move on and I could find what I wanted? I'm not really sure why that didn't happen. I'm seeing this more and more, though. Either people don't want to be honest, or they don't want to explore their own feelings. They don't understand that words DO have meaning. The other party in a relationship actually believes in the hopes and the dreams he or she has described and shared.
It is for this reason I am actually in favor of the two-year marriages contracts. Give couples a chance to see if they have what it takes to keep their commitments. We are growing into a world where people don't mean what they say and say what they mean. If the relationship is still working out at the end of the contract, renew for a longer time. My only worry is the children. My hope is that these "starter marriages" would not produce children. Then again, that's a whole different issue since so many children are being born without two parents to raise them now.
13 comments:
I would probably be just as unpopular if I pointed out that a piece of paper or contract doesn't necessarily make a marriage - the people do.
I have friends who have been together for eleven years, yet they separated less than a year after getting married.
They should have just stayed living together without that piece of paper and yes their little girl is 2, the reason why they decided to get married.
I agree Fi. I have a couple of friends who live together who you would never know they are not married. They have joint checking and savings, they run the household together, they raise their children together, etc. Then I know of others who live together and lead completely separate lives. It's almost like they are only together so they aren't going to bed alone every night.
On the other hand, I know married people who live their lives just as separately as well. The relationship is what each couple makes of it. That was really my whole point of this post.
I am really sorry to hear about your friends.
I'm actually kind of with you on this. I know the minute my husband and I married - our "roles" changed. it is hard to describe... but becoming a "wife" had different implications than girlfriend or even fiance. Great post. Kristen
It's an interesting idea. I'm not sure how I feel about it. My first reaction is that I doubt many couples would make it. They have an easy out with this contract.
I can't believe how many similarities you and I have, Karen! Now, I stayed married for 10 years and gave birth to a child, but I fully understand about knowing it was over long before the divorce. Our wedding night, when everything wasn't going right (we were both virgins and thought we were prepared but weren't), I knelt down next to the bed in tears and hysteria because essentially he was blaming me for everything not going right. I told him that I could call my mom and say it had all been a mistake. The issue was dropped, and I didn't think about the situation again for years. He raped me during our marriage too, but that is another story.
My ex really got bad when I began growing up and becoming independent. He couldn't deal with that.
I can't say I necessarily agree with a contract, but I agree that something must be done.
Thanks again for dropping by my blog. You always brighten my day. And I actually tried to find info on that girl I spoke of on my blog, and there was none to be found. Maybe she is in hiding.
I completely agree. I have a lot of friends actually that have gotten married and divorced within the first two years. Its so sad--but I think its so much smarter.
I'm not quite sure I understand. What is the difference between this "contract" and get married? If you take the religious and ceremonial aspects out of a wedding, isn't a marriage just a contract anyway? Where two people sign and say they will stay together? So what, this contract just ends after two years?
I hear what you are saying, and part of me agrees with you, but the other part says that it is an easy way out. Marriages take work, especially if you have kids. If a marriage contract can just end after two years, I think relationships that might have made it with a little bit of work will just end because it is easy.
And what about property? How does that get split at the end of this "contract"? I don't believe that divorce is all that tedious if no children or assets are involved, so really, what would be the difference?
I guess I just don't get it...
I totally agree with your point of view. I have a lot of friends that are just living together and happily so. If you are married or not. I believe a relationship needs to be worked on and nurtured each and every day. Hubby and I have our bad times but that doesn't mean we run out and get a divorce.
I hear you Susi. I really think that couples make that decision to fight for their relationship every day whether they are married or not. In the end it is a choice, regardless of whether there is a piece of paper keeping them legally bound or not.
My first marriage lasted 2-1/2 years as well, and like you, it was over much sooner than that. I hung on for the same reasons, because I do believe in marriage. My ex did the same, sold me a bill of goods and then I found out he was a liar and his family was in on the lies! Talk about weird.
My husband now, did the same thing :( So obviously I put out "lie to me I am naive" vibes. I found out he had major credit card debt a few weeks after we got married, and I was already pregnant. We spent the next 10 years paying off the debt, then I found out he was doing it again. I has two kids by then and wasn't working anymore.
Finally divorcing after 17 years. Marriage is tough enough without the added lies and deceit.
Not sure I agree with a 2 marriage contract though. Why bother getting married then?
I do agree with this Karen. but I think also gives people a way out of things. I don't think couples settle down in two years. Ofcourse, if it is something like what happened in your case, it totally makes sense. But what if they let go just for lack of trying? What if it's the perfect opportunity for all those men and women who never mean to settle down. But then again, hopefully, they wouldn't approach the two year marriage at all. Hmm...I've confused myself.
This is a confusing issue Anne. I completely understand. I think more than anything my point is that we don't have a sense of commitment anymore so why pretend? I know that speaks of myself as well since I divorced my first husband, but I honestly think it's a two-way street. One person cannot make a relationship.
My first marriage lasted two years and one month, so I tend to agree with you.
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