My husband has never been one to baby me, and to be honest he hasn't always had the best of manners. Offering to put something away if I'm already on top of it is not something that would necessarily be a first reaction for Daniel. Don't get me wrong, he is a loving and caring person, but I have also somewhat "trained" him to allow me to have my independence as well. I can be pretty stubborn.
Later in the day I asked him why he hurried to put the item back on the shelf and he admitted that he has noticed me slowing down quite a bit. He could tell I was getting tired. I really didn't want to hear this, because I have always held out hope that I would be improving by now. Instead, we are at a point where Daniel is noticing when I need a break and when I can be pushed just a little farther. This SUCKS! Truth be told, I CAN'T move as quickly as I used to. I have noticed a huge lag in my reflex times, too. I tell my brain to move my body, and it takes a few moments before getting the message to my muscles. This is scary, but I try not to think about that. Fear has held me back too often in my life. THAT monster is not going to get me again!
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The truth is, though, that the fear IS getting to me. I worry that I won't be able to do the things that make me who I am. Forget the running and the exercise. I think I'm adjusting to that okay now. What about the days I can't hold a pen? For now I am covering up my illness pretty well in front of my classes, but what happens when the day comes that I just can't be that strong in the classroom? I guess we'll have to cross that bridge when we get there.
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4 comments:
Fear is a strange beast and too often we let it get the better of us. You're lucky to have a considerate and thoughtful man who notices and assists you where he can - that's not babying you, that's loving you.
It's easy for me to say, but just try and focus on the now
Hugs, Fi
Thanks Fi. Definitely easier said than done, but I do try. Focusing on now is really the best because we never do know what will happen tomorrow. I know that for sure!
Karen, you seem to be doing so well with adjusting to all this. You will have days were it is more over whelming than others. Everyone does! Just take it one step at a time. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Thank you Susi. I am pretty hard on myself and only see the times I am being negative. I don't give myself credit for the positive things I do to try to adjust. You are right.... one step at a time. Sometimes literally!
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